Ratchet Needs a Tune Up
by The Mad Hellcat
Summary: Sam has been noticing that something is wrong with Ratchet and random comment from a stranger waiting in line at the Pastas and Pizza helps Sam put the pieces together.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Sam had been studying with Ratchet over the past few months when he had taken up his apprenticeship in Medical; he moved to the Autobots' base after his failed attempt at college. He took online courses toward a Political Science degree, but he was more interested in being useful now instead of serving as an official go-between between the Autobots and the U.S. government in the future. Anyway, he liked hanging out with Ratchet, even though he had a terrible temper and a wicked aim with a wrench. Sam couldn't help but wonder how many of the dents in Ironhide's plating were from Ratchet's temper rather than a Decepticon attack. The more Sam spent time with Ratchet he learned that the mech had a dry sense of humor and seemed to be completely unflappable. Sam had never really seen anything surprise him and he, himself, was surprised at how patient Ratchet was with him, answering all his questions and creating packets with diagrams to help him learn. He had even helped Sam refine his rough understanding of the Cybertronian language he had from his link with the AllSpark.

It also surprised Sam how caring Ratchet was toward him and he started spending more of his free time with him, especially if Bee was out on patrol. He enjoyed trying to make Ratchet laugh and listening to his stories of life before the war. Then something changed. It started slowly, Ratchet started to take more breaks during the day and needed the fluid tank in medical emptied more frequently. He seemed to get tired more easily and more irritable. Sam had to tip toe around him some days he could get so bad.

Sam was hiding in the back as Ratchet was fuming at his desk. He prayed to Primus that Ratchet would just give in and decide to take a break soon to get over this terrible mood he was in. He was moody, flocculating between sad and angry with very little warning. He would go take a break and seem more in control, but then he would be tired. He knew that Ratchet was miserable, and even Ironhide was treating the medic with kid-gloves. Sam missed his friend, the kind and caring medic that had taken Sam under his wing and encouraged his interest the holoform project he was working on, allowing Sam to help with the development and testing of the program. Sam let him run all sorts of tests and never complained because Ratchet's excitement was contagious. Sam had wondered during one of the tests if the program had somehow messed with Ratchet's programming. As part of Sam's apprentice duties was handle waste fluid removal through the human section of the NEST base, but he started to handle more communications between the medic and the laboratories as Ratchet's mood deteriorated. Sam could not help but notice that he had been ordering more waste oil and fluid removals in the past two weeks than he normally did in a month.

Sam wanted to talk to Ratchet about it, but before he did he ordered Matthews from the lab to check a sample of the waste fluids for any contaminates a few days ago. The past few tanks had this strange smell, which was very faint but it wouldn't hurt to check it out. He hoped maybe the smell as a clue to what was wrong with Ratchet. He also checked Ratchet's latest round of scans and tests for anything abnormal, but found nothing. Sam felt bad doing this behind Ratchet's back while he was currently preparing for the Autobot weekly officer's meeting, but he would have felt worse trying to do nothing.

"SAMUEL!"

Sam jumped up and quickly shut down the data pad before Ratchet could enter the room and catch him looking at it. He walked out of the back room and saw Ratchet stomping toward him enough that the floor shook. "Ratchet, what is wrong?" he asked, he could see the steam come of the anger heated metal from Ratchets torso and head.

"What is wrong? How dare you stand there and pretend to not know!"

"Actually, I really don't have a clue."

"Please inform me when you became the Chief Medical Officer for the Autobots. That bit of information has escaped me completely."

"I haven't."

"Then please inform me who the fragging Medic here is!"

"You are."

"Thank you, I thought for sure your little organic brain had forgotten that! As the Chief Medic, I am in charge of ordering all tests to go to the NEST laboratories!"

"Oh."

"Yes, and I would like to know what you were thinking ordering waste fluid to be tested!"

"It had a weird smell," Sam said, "I asked a discrete favor, it was only handled by Matthews on the way to the waste plant, I didn't think…"

"That's the entire problem! You don't think. Now everyone who works in the lab probably thinks we have a contamination problem."

"Only Matthews was going to handle the sample," Sam said, "and I learned it had to go through a few tests anyway before it could be recycled through normal means."

"This should have been brought to me! How dare you go behind my back?"

"It's not like I can talk to you about it! Every time I try to talk to you lately you go off on me."

"What does that mean? Stupid human euphuisms."

"You rage at me!" Sam yelled, "and half the time I don't know what I even did to deserve to be raged at. You throw temper tantrums that a baby would be proud of and you are having those more and more recently."

Ratchet blinked twice, the wind only temporarily taken out of his sails so Sam knew he had to act fast before Ratchet really blew a gasket. "I am not Chief Medic, but I don't have to be to know there is something going on with you. You aren't yourself and I am really worried about you so that is why I went behind your back."

"You sent a sample off to see if you could figure out what is wrong with me," Ratchet's tone was frightening neutral, which was never a good sign.

"No, I wanted to follow your treatment protocols and start eliminating the most dangerous variables first."

"So you used my own protocols against me?"

"Because you aren't giving me any choice," Sam said, "there is something wrong, you aren't yourself and I care about you enough to dare your wrath to see if I can…"

"If you thought I was wrathful before," Ratchet screamed, "you better run before you see my true wrath."

For the first time since he first met the mech, Sam was afraid of his slightly unstable friend. He slipped back into the room, grabbed the data stick from the data pad and put it in his pocket. Ratchet appeared in the door and slammed his fist into the doorframe hard enough to make the room shake, "I meant out the main door, you fragging ignoramus! Get out! And do not come back unless you are on death's door!"

Sam was afraid to run by Ratchet for a moment and tried to figure out how to get out of the room without enraging him further. He took a deep breath before he ran between Ratchet's legs as if Barricade was after him, and went straight for the exit. He heard the mech turn, Sam looked back and saw Ratchet take a step toward him, "Please don't hurt me," Sam called back to Ratchet as he was almost at the door. He heard a loud bang, the sound of something falling, but Sam was already out the door and not dumb enough to go back in there and check out what had happened.

A while later, Sam wandered around the base trying to figure out what exactly was going on with his friend. The incident did not deter him from finding out what was wrong with Ratchet, but made him more determined to find the cause. Ratchet was one of his favorite mechs and he would never hurt him so Sam felt guilty for being afraid of him. In fact Sam believed he was falling in love with the gruff, but caring medic. How was he going to face Ratchet the next time he saw him? Maybe he could get advice from Will since he spend all of his free time with the equally gruff Ironhide. He turned the corner and saw Will coming toward him: call that good timing. "There you are," Will asked, "Ironhide asked me to find you."

"If it's about putting off his check up," Sam said, "don't bother, I am not in Ratchet's good graces currently."

"I heard, in fact anyone in the Autobot side of the base heard," Will said, "that's why I am here; the guys wanted to see if you were in one piece."

"I have learned to dodge wrenches quite well recently," Sam sighed, "I have pulled up Ratchet's recent scans and everything appears to be ok, but there is something wrong with him and I think it is getting worse."

"Well I have an idea, why don't we head into town to get some pizza while Ratchet cools down some," Will said, "my treat. I need to get out of here for a while myself."

Sam left his data stick back at the base, and just sat back while Will drove him into town. It was an hour drive, but it was late in the afternoon on a Saturday so the road was quiet. Ironhide had wanted to drive them himself, he did not like the idea of Will off base without him for an extended period of time, but Optimus had called a special meeting for all of his officers so he had to remain behind and Will just borrowed a jeep.

The drive itself was actually relaxing and the radio station played some great tunes, at one point both Sam and Will were singing to Ozzy Osborne's 'Crazy Train'. Sam felt a lot better by the time they pulled into the small town and stopped at the Pastas and Pizza restaurant. It was more of a dive bar than a real Italian restaurant, but the food was good and so were the prices. It was Saturday so there was a line for carry out and they did not call ahead, then again they weren't exactly in an all fire hurry to return to the base either. They just stood in line and talked quietly amongst themselves. Sam was surprised to hear his phone go off and even more surprised that it was Ratchet texting him. He opened up the message and read: I cannot find you on base. Please report to Medical promptly.

Sam texted back: I am not at base. I went to get a pizza with Will.

"Ratch texted me," Sam said, "he couldn't find me and wanted me to come back 'promptly'."

"I am sure he did."

"Shouldn't he be at that meeting?"

"That meeting might have been about him," Will admitted, "you aren't the only one noticing the changes in him."

"I just do not understand what is wrong with him. He is sad for no reason; picking fights about nothing, and just doesn't seem to be the same kind and confident medic I know. He seems to be better after one of his breaks, but then he is just depressed and tired. Today he chewed me out because I tried to tell him I was worried about him."

Sam's phone went off again and he groaned. "Ratch again?" Will asked, "I thought he hated texting."

Sam shrugged and opened the message: I hope Optimus knows you have left the base. It would be been nice of you to tell me you had left.

Sam responded: Yes, Optimus knows. I didn't tell you because you basically told me to go fuck myself and threw me out of medical. I thought you wouldn't want to hear from me for a while.

Sam showed Will the conversation and Will shook his head, "I cannot believe he threw you out of the office about an hour ago telling you never to come back and now he wants you to report back as soon as possible without any reason."

"Your friend needs to get laid," a voice came behind them.

Sam turned and an older man, probably in his 60s or 70s, with shoulder length gray hair, wearing jeans, sandals and a black short sleeved polo shirt was just smiling at him. He was standing next to a guy in his 40s with the dark coloring of someone of Eastern European decent, who smiled at him and shook his head. "I am sorry," Sam said, not really sure what to say to them.

"Your friend, the one you are so worried about, he needs to get laid. That's his problem," the older man said.

"While it is none of our business," the 40 something man said in a heavy accent Sam had never heard before, "I have to agree with Gabe, he needs to get laid and have much amazing sex as possible in one night."

"When is the last time he got laid?" Gabe asked.

Sam and Will looked at each other, totally taken back a moment but Sam snapped out of it first and shrugged, "I don't think since I have known him and that was just over three years now."

"Probably longer than that," Will said, "he broke up with his long-term partner 'Jack fifteen plus years before that and has been a workaholic ever since 'Hide told me."

"So you are telling me this Ratch guy hasn't had sex in eighteen plus years and you seriously cannot figure out what is wrong with him?" Gabe laughed, "I am guessing he is an older fellow, but let me give you a hint, us old guys still have a fully working cock, you know, with cum and everything. It's not a gift only given to the young."

Poor Will looked like his brain was had just crashed, but Sam was actually considering lack of sex as a problem. "But why would it suddenly bother him in the last few weeks?"

Gabe actually appeared to be considering the question a few moments before responding, "Who does he pick the most fights with?"

"Me," Sam said, "no one else really comes around the office."

"Did you and this guy start working on any new projects or spending more time together than normal?"

"You think I had did something wrong?"

"No," Gabe laughed, "no, dear boy, but I think you might have just woken up the workaholic's libido. He is taking breaks to take care of his little or maybe not so little problem if you get the drift."

"Gabe really," his companion sighed and shook his head.

Sam blinked twice, that would explain all the extra fluid in the tanks and the fact he is tired after his breaks. It would also explain why he was so upset about the test on the fluid as well, he didn't want anyone to know that the extra fluid was his or draw attention to it. "I am an idiot," Sam groaned.

"Nah," Gabe said, "you are young and worried about your friend. Sometimes you just need a dirty old man to overhear your conversation to give you an objective perspective."

"Hey," Will said, touching Sam's shoulder, "our order is in. Lets go sit down and wait. Thanks for your insight, Gabe."

Sam was shocked, he didn't even realize he had moved much less was at the order counter already. Gabe just smiled, "Nothing is more terrifying than a horny old man not getting any!"

Will drove them to a quiet park and ride off the main highway with picnic tables. It was quiet and there was a cool breeze in the air as the afternoon became evening. "There is fireworks at the little league park tonight," Will said to explain where everyone was, "there were flyers all over the place at the restaurant. You might have seen them if you hadn't been talking to the dirty old guy."

"I think he might be right," Sam whispered, causing Will to choke on the pizza he was eating.

"What!"

"Over the past two weeks, we have been needing to dump the fluid containers more frequently, but we haven't had any reason for the increase. No one has been in for anything but normal checkups."

"So you think that Ratch is…" Will trailed off, "but how do they even… you know, do that?"

"I don't know," Sam said, "but I know he locks his door and cannot be reached until he is done, his break that is."

"But if he is getting the fluid moving then what is his problem?"

"Will, seriously, did you just hear yourself? What would you rather do have a partner or go solo?"

Will sighed, "Yeah, you have a point. I just never thought of them as sexual beings before."

"Me neither, but just because the no kid thing doesn't mean they don't have a sex drive I guess."

Will nodded, "It's weird to think of 'Hide having a sex drive."

"Oh? Don't want to think of him as a dirty old man?"

"Actually him as a dirty old man makes perfect sense," Will laughed, "I just convinced myself he didn't couldn't be one."

"You want Ironhide!" Sam tried so hard not to laugh and keep a straight face, "I knew it!"

"Shut up," Will said, hiding a pout behind taking a huge sip of his soda.

"You two would make a good couple," Sam said in all honesty, "and a very cute couple if he can get the holoform program working properly."

"Sam, you are out of your mind! I just got divorced nearly a year ago," Will explained, "Ironhide still scares off anyone who is nice to me, unless it's one of the guys, and he even terrified Epps when he play flirted with me. Robbie almost pissed himself."

"That would make sense…"

"He is protecting me from advances he doesn't think I am ready for, over protective mech," he muttered.

"Or he wants you for himself, he is possessive as he is protective?"

"Leave it alone, Sam," Will said, "On a good day I am his partner and friend, but on a bad day I am just someone for him to protect."

Sam shifted gears, he wasn't going to get anywhere talking to Will about Ironhide, and he wouldn't until he got the holoform program working. Wait, the holoform program. A dirty grin slowly emerged on Sam's face, "I think I have an idea about how to approach the Ratchet problem."

"Do I want to know?" Will asked.

"Depends on what you are willing to do to get Ironhide out of his checkups for the next six months."

Will sighed and took out his cellphone to message Ironhide: I think I have a way around your checkup. I will text you when I know for sure. This may take a while though and you better be grateful!

They were back in the base in less than an hour, Sam outlining his great plan for giving Ratchet his adjustment and while Will wasn't sure it was going to work it was worth a shot. Right now anything was worth a shot to get the medic back to use old self, Ironhide was overjoyed that Will could possibly get him out of the checkup and promised him he would do anything Will wanted if he could help him. Will had a few ideas, but none of them were appropriate right now. Sam would take care of everything, all Will had to do was go back to his quarters, take a shower, shave and be in medical right before dinner. Normally he could shower, shave and be ready to go in ten minutes, but he took his time this evening. He put effort into his appearance because if he was going to help to seduce Ratchet the least he could do was look the part.

Sam also went back to his quarters and took a hot shower. He had ignored the last two texts Ratchet sent after he texted the mech that he had returned to base. He exfoliated his skin, which Ratchet had been trying to get him to do since they started, the dead skin cells where interfering with the scanning, and lathered himself up with a lotion that smelled like the cologne he was planning on wearing. He even ventured to put some product in his hair. He picked out a tight dark blue t-shirt and even tighter black jeans. He slipped on a pair of black oxfords and checked himself out in the mirror. Sam was nervous, he had not had sex since Egypt and that was exactly wasn't the best experience. He came too quickly, which he wrote off as a side effect of his resurrection and he was afraid that it would happen again. He had no experience with men to make matters even worse, so what made Sam think he could pull this off? He had Will in there to back him up, he looked the type to have some stamina but he admitted to Sam he did not have much experience with guys either.

What if he was bad and Ratchet pitied him for sucking in bed instead of just raging at him?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II: Sexual Healing or Making Matters Worse?

Sam shook his head to remove those type of thoughts, self-doubt was not going to help this situation and he wasn't doing this for himself he was doing it for Ratchet. Ok, maybe he was doing it a bit for himself. If he was going to lose his anal virginity to anyone it only felt right to lose it to the caring, tender Medic, he would make sure he was comfortable and safe. What Sam was feeling would be important to him, he would never hurt him on purpose.

Sam looked in the mirror one more time and nodded to himself, feeling a bit better after the self-pep talk. He headed out of his room and knocked on Will's door to see if he was ready. Will smiled when he saw it was Sam, he was wearing a black sleeveless t-shirt, which showed off his smoking arms and ocean blue jeans with black sneakers. "Well I need to change," Sam muttered.

"Nah, Sam," Will put his arm around him and pulled him close to rub his knuckles against the top of his head, "when he sees your ass in those jeans he won't even know I am there."

"Whatever," Sam laughed as they headed to medical. Everyone should be at dinner or heading there so the hallways should be quiet. They didn't want anyone to actually see them or wonder what they were up to. Thankfully the walk was quiet and they were standing before the doors of medical before they knew it. Sam opened the door and let Will walk in first, as Sam closed the door behind them and locked it. He put the 'Holoform Testing' do not disturb sign and made sure that the signal went to all the Autobots. "I hope that Ironhide gets the message," Sam muttered.

"I already talked to him. He knows I am here and I promised to let him know we were done. He won't be monitoring my vitals because he knows it will interrupt the scanning process."

"Thank god he hates check ups," Sam said.

"Lets just hope this works," Will said and Sam nodded in agreement as they headed into the secondary storeroom, where the holoform project was housed. "Ok, let me get Ratchet, you just get comfortable."

Will looked around and tried to smile, as Sam headed into Ratchet's office, where he found the mech sitting at his desk, staring at a data pad but not reading it. Sam knocked and half smiled, "You wanted to see me?"

"Oh, there you are," Ratchet looked up, putting the data pad down, "I wasn't sure if you were coming this evening."

"The holoform project is very important," Sam said, "I understand that and you said you were interested in hearing my suggestions for speeding the process up."

"Yes," Ratchet said, "it's the least I can do for my inexcusable outburst earlier. I know you are just trying to help…"

Sam put his hand up, "It's in the past and I shouldn't have had tests run behind your back. I am sorry. So you ready to get to work, Will is already here."

Ratchet looked confused, "Why is Major Lennox here?"

"We came up with the idea to hurry along the holoform project together so I couldn't pitch it to you without him, could I?"

Ratchet stood up, and shrugged, "I guess you are right."

"Come on, the night is getting old," Sam laughed, "I already had a box sent here earlier so we are ready to go. If it fails, at least we tried, right?"

Ratchet stood up stiffly but walked next to Sam as they went into the back, the room wasn't large and Ratchet had to sit to work comfortably, but that was ideal for what Sam had in mind. Will grinned and waved at Ratchet when he came in and moved out of the way for him to sit down. He had opened up the box and started to take some of the items out of it, Sam smiled, it was only the food stuff. No reason to get Ratchet suspicious right at the beginning. "What is going on? I do not understand how this will help," Ratchet trailed off hopelessly confused.

"Easy," Sam said, "we are just analyzing the human body as an organism all to itself without any natural stimulation, but that is not how humans work. We react to what is going on around us so today I brought the two most common forms of stimulation that the holoforms will probably encounter: food and a human."

"Sam is right, Ratchet," Will said, "we are very social beings and our nervous system requires interaction to study properly."

"Well," Ratchet looked thoughtful a moment, "yes, I guess that makes sense. Ok, let try it."

"While you get the scanning equipment ready Will and I will get naked," Sam said before turning to Will, "you can put your clothes over on that empty chair…"

"Wait what!" Ratchet's voice went up an octave, "what do you mean naked?"

"Oh, did I forget mention that?" Sam said, "I am sorry."

"Sam said the problem with the holoforms was that they looked cartoonish instead of real," Will explained, "and instead of trying to build a body from clothes, you should build the clothes around the body. It will look more natural."

"Once you have the base for each individual holoform the clothes could be changed without compromising the integrity of the body," Sam said, taking off his shirt and throws it into his desk and stretches his arms and shoulders, very aware that Ratchet hasn't taken his optics off him since he started undressing. Sam caught Will's eye and he mouthed, 'Slow down.'

Sam did not respond to him but he did slow down as he toed his shoes off and walked them over to his desk, putting them under his chair. Making sure to give Ratchet a good view of his jean-clad ass before standing up slowly and keeping his back to Ratchet he pretended to have issues with the fly, "This damn zipper is stuck again. I thought I fixed it."

Will coughed loudly to cover up a laugh, "I told you to just go out and buy new jeans! Once a zipper is shot there is no fixing it. Want some help?"

"Please," Sam said innocently.

Will was also just wearing his jeans when he went over to Sam and got on his knees, his focus totally on the zipper, while Sam kept his focus on Ratchet. "This is so embarrassing," Sam said, "sorry about this Ratchet."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Ratchet said, his voice did not sound right, "this could become complicated as both of your pheromone readings are…"

"Welcome to being a guy," Will said, "especially one Sam's age: pheromones happen. There got it. Now get a new pair of jeans, will you or if this goes well Ratchet will have to get you out of them next time."

When Will let go of the zipper he stood up and undid his jeans and pushed them to the floor, he had not been wearing any underwear. He stepped out of them and folded them as he went back to the chair. "Do not worry," Ratchet said, "I have already ordered him a new pair of jeans and will deal with the offending pair personally."

Sam smiled as he pushed his pants down, they were too tight to just fall as Will's had, and sat down in his hair to get them off his legs, "What would I do without you, Ratchet?"

"I shudder to think about that," he said and Sam just laughed as he stood up and threw his jeans over the back of his chair.

"So…" Sam blushed slightly being fully naked in a room with Ratchet and Will, "I know I am not an ideal human male specimen, unlike Will, but I hope I will do, Ratchet."

"Hey, Sam, I see nothing wrong with your body," Will said, "trust me. And not every human has the body of a soldier, my build may appeal to Ironhide and Optimus, but Bumblebee would probably prefer a lean and lithe figure like yours. Maybe even Ratchet. Your thoughts? Will we do?"

Ratchet just looked between them a few moments and sighed, his helm resting on his hand, "What I have gotten myself into?"

"So we won't do?" Sam looked down, "I knew I should have hit the gym for a few weeks before doing this."

"No," Ratchet said, "you are perfect, Sam, absolutely perfect as are you Major Lennox. Both your body types are different, but both equally beautiful… and useful for the holoform project! You are correct, we cannot all have the same body type, it would strange and would not fit out personalities. And it would be nice to be able to change clothes instead of having to configure a brand new hologram, I admit. It would make my life easier because I know that Bumblebee and Jazz would be in here every other day for a new look that they saw on the TV or the internet. We need to make them look as real as possible or else what is the point."

"Maybe we can get a few other volunteers for different skin colors," Will suggested.

"No, skin color is cosmetic," Ratchet said, "that I can build from a standard avatar holoform program."

"Awesome, so where do you want to start?"

"A regular control scan on both of you first, I think, so I can pick up any changes in the nervous system with the interaction. Just stand still the pair of you a moment," Ratchet quickly scanned both men, "ok, I have the scans saved. I will need to edit the pheromones out but…"

"Wait, you can edit stuff out of our scans?" Will asked.

"Yes, of course," Ratchet looked confused at the question.

"Have you been editting stuff from your experiments on Sam?"

"I wish you wouldn't call them experiments," Sam muttered.

"Yes, anything that isn't important…"

"Well that explains why you are having trouble," Will said and Sam agreed, "you are trying to put Cybertonian logic to a human body. We aren't the most logical creatures, as I am sure you have noticed."

"I knew that the moment I met you," Ratchet said drily.

"Ok then stop flittering out information," Sam said, "just for tonight. Just use the information you are getting raw into the holoform program and lets see what happens."

"I don't know, Sam…"

"It won't override your main programming, will it?" Will asked.

"No, of course not," Ratchet looked offended.

"Then what is the harm in it? Just for tonight," Sam walked over and touched Ratchet's leg, "for me. Please Ratchet."

"Just for tonight," Ratchet agreed, "and never mention this to anyone. If they knew I have up control on a project."

"Our lips are sealed," Sam said.

"Promise," Will agreed.

"Ok, putting in the raw data into the program."

"So should we do touching first or what would you prefer?" Will asked, moving closer to Sam.

"No, not that," Ratchet said, then cleared his throat, "I mean, let start with something simple first. You said you brought food, I don't see the harm eating could do."

"Sure," Will turned to the food on the table, "I mean we are going to miss dinner after all. What did you bring, Sam?"

Sam walked over to the table, standing close enough to touch Will's shoulder, "Well I know that humans only really have four real tastes: bitter, sour, sweet and salty so I brought a selection of each."

"Now Sam says that because the four tastes hit on different parts of our tongue, but each individual food as its own tastes as well. Taste is as individual to a person as their fingerprint, one person many love dark chocolate for example but another person might find it too bitter so you have free reign to play with the taste buds when you learn how they work," Will explained.

"Dark chocolate is a good idea," Sam said looking through the box, "I think I have some in here."

"Now there are some foods that effect humans," Will continued, "some people are allergic to different foods and it makes them very sick or can even kill them."

"I will leave food allergies out of the program," Ratchet said.

"Alcohol is a drug that intoxicates a person and depending on how strong it is how it effects a person," Will said.

"Or how much they consume, but I am a light weight so I didn't bring any of that," Sam said.

"Good idea," Will said, "do Autobots have something like alcohol?"

"A highly refined form of engeron mimics the effects of alcohol," Ratchet said.

"Ok, then we can skip over alcohol, so since Sam is bringing out chocolate we should talk about the natural aphrodisiacs. These can help boost the human sex drive."

"Seriously!" Ratchet said.

"Yeah, I know weird right?" Sam said, "but people swear by them. Oysters is a popular one, but they can only be had in season and are expensive. Chocolate is probably the most popular and everyone loves chocolate."

"Not everyone, Sam," Will said.

"How can anyone not love chocolate!" Sam said as he opened up a bar of dark chocolate and broke off a square and popped it into his mouth.

"Don't hog the chocolate!" Will complained and Sam broke off another piece and Will opened his mouth and Sam slid the piece in. Will hummed his pleasure and winked at Sam, "I love dark chocolate. It's both bitter but sweet."

"I am seeing that in the scan," Ratchet said, "it's more complex than I thought, the human taste buds."

Sam put the chocolate away for now and started to put together the rest of the food, if they pressed it any more than Ratchet might get suspicious and Sam was already getting half hard and they really hadn't done much of anything yet. "Sam," Will said, "it's fine. You haven't had sex since Egypt and you are young so it's easy for you to get excited."

"That's not exactly what Milkayla said," Sam muttered.

"Yes, and I am sure she is the expert on human male anatomy, hormones and pheromones," Ratchet said darkly, "I wouldn't pay attention to anything she said."

"Yeah," Sam looked down and Will threw an arm around him and pulled him close, "Hey, I agree with Ratchet, and she was an just trying to be a bitch. I am glad you broke up with her, a girl like that isn't worth your time."

"You broke up with her?" Ratchet asked.

"Well yeah," Sam leaned into Will, "after she said we weren't sexually compatible and I needed to work on that I kinda flipped out and broke up with her when said my penis was too small to do her any good anyway. God, I cannot believe I just told you guys that."

Will stroked the side of Sam's arm and kissed him on the forehead, "Is there any dignity that girl left you with?"

Sam felt a metallic finger stroke his side a moment before very carefully lifting his chin, "There is nothing physically wrong or different about you," Ratchet said, "if you were sexually incompatible it is no ones fault and I believe you are perfectly proportioned. I concur with Will, she is a bitch and not good enough for you. You are a beautiful, sensitive, young spark and anyone would be overjoyed to call you their own."

Sam sighed, feeling the love and acceptance radiating off these two wonderful friends and absorbed it into his very being. "Well, I have no idea where that came from, I am sorry," Sam said.

"It's ok, being naked in a storage room being scanned for a holoform program with a handsome Autobot and a sexy soldier can do that to a guy," Will teased gently, rubbing gentle circles on his lower back.

Sam winced slightly, remembering the actual reason they were there in the first place, and he blushed, trying to pull away from Will, but he did not let go. "It's ok, Sam," he whispered.

"We should get back to work," Sam blushed and broke free of Will's hold, while going back and working on dinner. He was so embarrassed that he had confessed that, it was the wrong thing to say at the wrong moment and made him look like a bigger idiot than normal in front of two people he cared deeply about. At least he hadn't mentioned it in front of Prime because that would have caused him to die of embarrassment. Will turned to help him make dinner and whispered in his ear, "Good job, you have him emotionally invested, which I knew was your plan the entire time. You have proven he cares about you a lot so this might be easier than I thought."

Sam knew Will was blowing smoke, but he was trying to make him feel better so he just smiled, "Whatever, thanks."

"Ratchet is working on the program so he isn't paying attention right now, he has the million mile away look with dimmed eyes, so I think we can just relax a few minutes and just eat while he scans us. Do you think he will have enough scans to create an attempt at a hard light holoform?"

"Maybe, or at least to try to form one. He has a rough outline what he wants to look like, but I am not sure if I like it."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't look like himself. He looks like he has been getting images from soap operas and tv dramas."

"The internet is a blessing and a curse," Will sighed, "nothing we can do about it now. Wait, Ratchet is coming back to us."

Sam nodded as he finished making the ham and cheese sandwiches and handed Will one, with a bag of kettle potato chips and a can of soda. "Hey, Ratchet, you ready to continue? I promise no more embarrassing confessionals."

"You are adorable when you are embarrassed," Ratchet said, throwing both humans off guard a moment before Will laughed and Sam just blushed a deeper shade of crimson.

"You," he said to Will, "stop laughing!"

Will tried to get his laughter under control and took a few deep breathes and Sam just shook his head, "So we have finished preparing the food so are you ready to continue scanning?"

"Yes, I am," Ratchet said, "I have checked the raw data in the program and it appears to be working well."

"Do you think you will have a prototype ready to show us by the end of the night?" Will asked, "I would love to see what these holoforms look like."

"I may have something to show you, depending on how these series of scans go."

"Awesome," Sam said, "I am so excited to actually see a holoform instead of just reading about them."

"Ok ready to continue scanning when you both are," Ratchet said and the boys started to eat their dinner. Will made sure that the topics stayed relatively safe, gossip around the base, Ironhide's latest antics around a woman that attempted to flirt with him when he picked Annabelle up from daycare last week, Sam countered with a story about Bumblebee answering his cell phone when he thought Milkayla was calling him, telling her off in no uncertain terms, ignoring Sam trying to tell him that it was actually his Mom. "I was on the phone for an hour explaining that one to my Mom," Sam said, "and I still don't think she believes me. She think Bee has better manners than that."

"Then she really doesn't know Bumblebee all that well, does she?" Ratchet asked, his first input into the conversation.

Sam just smiled at him, "He is on his best behavior for her since she threatened him with a baseball bat before I went back to college. You still hungry, Will, I have enough to make another round of sandwiches."

"I am ok, unless you need more scans," Will turned to Ratchet.

"No, I think I have it. This is fascinating and just using the raw data is actually helping the program, it appears the human body is complex in ways I did not comprehend."

"Do you think you have enough to try a holoform?" Sam asked.

"No, not yet," Ratchet said, "I would like to have some interaction first so see how that changes the nervous system."

"Is there anything you would like us to do?" Sam asked.

"No, just normal inter…" Ratchet stopped and grimaced and Sam was at his side in four steps, "Ratchet, you are in pain."

"No, I am fine," Ratchet said firmly, "lets just get back to work. Lets start with simple touches."

Sam did not move, the fact he just touched Ratchet's leg, looking up at him with such concern and caring. "I meant each other not me, Sam," Ratchet snapped at him, but followed up by saying in a whisper, "don't look at me like that, Sam, please."

Will took Sam's hand gently and held him away from Ratchet, standing in the middle of the room, he firmed up his grip and they shook hands. Sam kept his eyes locked on Will and knew this was actually happening. He was with Will and Ratchet, he had nothing to worry about. He had already spilled one of his deepest, darkest secrets to them, Bee had already known because he had overheard the entire conversation, he could do this. Will kept Sam's hand in his as he stopped the hand shake and used his other hand to cup his cheek softly, the protective gesture made Sam smile and lean into the touch. Will gave Sam a quick kiss on the cheek, a kiss between good friends and nothing more. Sam finally felt ready to move, although this entire thing was his idea he was still nervous. He just hoped that Primus was smiling on him and not laughing at him. Sam brought his hand up to stroke Will's upper arm. Sam pushed back and broke free with a wicked grin as he ran his hands down Will's shoulders, chest and back, caressing every inch of his skin as he traveled lower, getting on his knees, touching his ass, thighs and calves making sure to keep away from Will's cock and balls until the time was right, but he was pleased that Will was starting to get heard. "That feels good, Sam," Will whispered.

"You feel so much from just touching," Ratchet said in awe, a shade of pain still in his voice, "I never could have imagined."

"It does feel good, especially when you are touching people you care about," Sam said, "would you like to try, Ratchet?"

"I… I don't know," Ratchet said, "I may not have the proper sensors for this type of intense stimulation."

Will grinned and slowly pulled Sam up and into a hug, holding him tight to his body, "But it feels good, Ratchet," he explained, "you can adjust the sensors after a test run."

"I am not sure I have enough data to make a composite nerve map!"

"Sounds like the gentleman doth protest too much," Will smiled.

"He has a point though," Sam said, "these are simple touches and while they do feel good there is more to feeling than just this."

"True, while we do like to touch most of the touch is for comfort, connection and or pleasure," Will said as he tipped Sam's face up and kissed him softly on the lips. Sam moaned into the kiss, and deepened the kiss, but he heard a much deeper but quieter moan. He first thought it was from Will, who seemed to be smiling into the kiss, but then he realized it was Ratchet. Sam reach between them and grasped their hardening cocks and started to gently stroking them together. Will let out a low moan and a hand slipped down to grab Sam's ass.

"I... I think I have enough data, thank you." Ratchet cried out, causing Will and Sam to break apart.

"Excellent," Will said catching his breath from that kiss, "so when do we get to see your form?"

"I don't know," Ratchet started to say, but Will put his arms back around Sam and smiled slightly, "well we can keep going while you work on it, I guess."

"No," Ratchet said, "I have something prepared and it will need your complete attention so hands off your interfacing cables gentleman."

"All you had to do is ask, Ratchet," Sam said, "and they are penises, but more commonly called cocks."

"Whatever they are called, do not touch," Ratchet said as a golden light shimmered in front of them and a six foot tall man stood in front of them with short dark brown hair, tanned skin, five o'clock shadow and an overly muscled body. The head did not belong on that body and it looked like he had at least one nose job. He wore dark brown dress slacks and a baby clue button down shirt under a doctor's lab coat. "There are you happy now?" Ratchet asked coldly as the men just stared at him and the shook their head 'no' in unison.

"You look like a Frankenstein project," Sam said.

"Spare parts put together," Will explained, "and even if it didn't… you don't look like yourself."

"Of course not," Ratchet growled, "I am trying to look human!"

"You can look human all you want, but the body needs to match the personality," Sam explained, trying to soothe his ego, "forget the internet a moment. You have seen a bunch of humans running around the base and when you have ventured into town. You have the scans of all the personal and no one is perfect."

"Sam, lets try to explain it this way. Hey, Ratchet, what color hair would you like?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said coloring is cosmetic, right? So stop trying to be the perfect human and tell us what you want. It's your body so what hair color do you want?"

Ratchet shrugged, "I have no idea."

"People change their hair color all the time," Sam said, "all you need is a bottle of hair dye. It's not big deal, Ratchet. You don't even need to save the changes to the holoform."

Ratchet's holoform shrugged and shook his head as his hair color changed to such a light shade of blonde it looked white with amber highlights and lowlights, he adjusted his eyebrows as well and made them a little more fuller and less manicured. The holoform crossed his arms, "There, now you can make fun of me."

"Actually it's an improvement," Will said.

"I really like it," Sam agreed and Ratchet uncrossed his arms, "Really?"

"Yeah," Sam said, "ok next question."

"Ratchet, how old do you want to be?" Will asked.

"Old enough to be able to do my job."

"Ok," Sam said, "well then you can be any age from lets say 30 to retirement age of 65.

"Humans have a youth based culture," Ratchet said, "I have to be the younger end of that range."

"Who says?" Sam said, "what age would you feel comfortable portraying?"

The holoform's skin shifted to a man who appeared to be in his mid to late 40s, with frown lines and slightly visible wrinkles around his eyes; his face was now clean shaven though. The body definitely did not fit with the adjustments, "Ratchet, what do you do in your free time?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Do you enjoy going to the shooting range or wrestling with Ironhide?"

"I would rather shoot myself in the foot."

"So what do you enjoy doing? If you had a day off, no injuries or check ups to perform what would you do?" Sam asked.

"I enjoy reading, working on my side projects and I sometimes indulge in watching human science fiction if I need a laugh."

"Need to get Ratchet to watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000," Will said.

"What's that?" Sam asked.

"Ok, now I feel old. Movie night, my room, soon!" Will said, "but anyway, back to the matter at hand. Does that skin tone or body look like someone who has indoor hobbies, works long hours and hates working out?"

Ratchet rolled his eyes and his skin tone turned fair with a sprinkling of freckles on his face and upper arms. "It's a cross between Irish and English stereotypical skin tones," Ratchet explained and his body adjusted to about 5 and a half feet and from bulky muscles to a leaner muscular form, a combination of Sam and Will's bodies. He also adjusted the face, softened his cheek bones and made the nose larger, the lips fuller and chapped, "there how is that?"

"Now you look like Ratchet," Will said.

"You look amazing," Sam said.

"Well it appears you do approve, your pheromone levels have come back up," Ratchet said, a slight smirk.

"There is only one more thing," Will said.

"Yeah, you still look like the clothes are wearing you," Sam said and stared at the holoform's groin, "and do you even have a cock in those pants?"

"Strip, Ratchet," Will said, "you look like a Ken doll."

"I do not see why our holoforms need to have cocks!" Ratchet crossed his arms again, he was entering fight or flight mode, Sam could tell.

"Because it makes you look human or else you are gonna have to wear very baggy pants and you will stick out like a sore thumb," Will explained.

"And you know that Bumblebee and Jazz will want to wear tight jeans and sexy clothes to draw attention to themselves," Sam said, moving closer to Ratchet and reaching over to touch him, running his hand up and down his arm in a soothing manner.

Ratchet just stopped and watched Sam touch him, "I feel that," he whispered.

"Of course," Sam said, "how does it feel?"

"Strange, but your skin is warm and soft under this rather uncomfortable shirt."

"You don't have to dress like that either," Sam said, "let us help you, Ratchet, with the program."

"I cannot believe I am doing this either," Ratchet said as his clothes started to melt off his body. He was anatomically correct except he was missing the private parts, "there are so many different variations of your reproductive…"

"Ratchet," Sam leaned in and whispered, "they are called cock and balls. Relax. They don't have to be huge, you said so yourself, just proportionate to the body."

"An older male doesn't…"

"Hey, I am getting into the older male category and I would like to keep mine if you don't mind," Will said, pretending to be insulted.

"I didn't mean," Ratchet put his hands in apology but Sam leaned in closer, "he is teasing Ratchet. It's all part of the human experience."

Ratchet ran a hand through his hair and sighed again. He was thinking about this part too hard. "You called our cocks interfacing cables, right?"

"Yes."

"So I am assuming your mech form has an interfacing cable."

Sam knew that Ratchet was about ready to lie, he looked everywhere but at them a few moments before he looked Will right in the eyes, "Yes, every mech, except the femmes, has an interfacing cable and before you ask our version of sexual intercourse is called interfacing, but it does not aid in reproduction."

"Is each interface cable different?"

"There are variations," Ratchet shook his head, "I think I know where this is going."

"Use your interface cables dimensions to your mech form as a guide for designing your own cock for the holoform," Sam said, "not a bad idea, Will."

"We want to create a human version of Ratchet after all," Will said, "so why not?"

"This is humiliating," Ratchet said as a golden light appeared in his groin area, "Dammit, this is more difficult to design than I thought. Give me a few moments."

"Take your time," Sam continued to stroke his arm and Will came over to put an arm around Ratchet's shoulders, "we just want you to be comfortable in your holoform."

"This never happened!" Ratchet said.

"What happens in the holoform project room stays in the holoform project room," Will and Sam swore.

"Ok I think it's done, but you will need to tell me if it looks right," Ratchet said as the light disappeared, revealing a half hard cock and perfectly shaped balls underneath, "shit that isn't what I meant…"

"It's fine," Will said, "it's easier to check for mistakes if it's hard."

"Ratchet, it looks beautiful," Sam got on his knees and studied it carefully, "uncut and probably about seven or eight inches if you would let it get fully hard."

"It's going to be nice and thick to," Will said, "very impressive, Ratchet, it will really make your pants look nice and full."

"And he has a great ass to," Sam said, unconsciously liking his lips, "you have to wear jeans, Ratchet, you have a body built for jeans."

"Yeah, but then men and women will be falling at his feet," Will said.

"Stop teasing me," Ratchet growled and grabbed Sam on the upper arm and yanked him to his feet, his strength still super human, but it was too much of a turn on for either of them to mention.

"Whose teasing?" Sam asked as he leaned forward, cupping Ratchet's cheek before kissing him gently on the lips.

"What are his pheromone levels tell you, Ratchet?" Will whispered in his ear before kissing the shell of his ear and down his neck, soft, gentle kisses.

Sam broke the kiss long enough to ask: "What are Will's levels telling you, Ratchet?"

Ratchet froze a moment, not responding to each of them for a few heartbeats, then he let loose a cry of a pent up desire finally being released. He moved his mouth and deepened the kiss, it was awkward at first, but Ratchet was nothing but observant and it took him a few seconds to get the placement correctly. "Open your mouth," Will whispered, "let his tongue in, it feels good when you rub it against your tongue."

Ratchet followed Will's advice and moaned loudly when Sam's tongue touched his for the first time, Ratchet wrapped an arm around Sam, bringing him flush against his body, his other hand, snuck around and grabbed Will's ass, bringing him closer as well, Will's cock rubbing against Ratchet's hip bone. Will cried out at the surprise stimulation, and his kisses became wetter and stopped at the juncture of his neck and shoulder to suck on a section of skin there.

Sam broke away long enough to take a breath and Ratchet moaned, "Never like this before, not in all my millennia. Humans are so sensitive."

"I want you, Ratchet," Sam said.

"I couldn't have guessed that," he said with a wry smile, turning to Will and capturing his lips with his own.

Sam's hands went around Ratchet's cock and the other his balls, the response was electric and Ratchet thrust into his hand, "I don't know if I can do this," he panted, "I don't have the scans…"

"Do you want to scan us while we do it?" Will asked, "of course Sam wanted your cock to be the first he ever had in his ass though."

"You planned this?" Ratchet growled.

Will leaned in again, "You honesty did not know how much Sam wants you? How he thinks about you making love to him in the shower fingering his tight ass? You are supposed to be one of the most observant beings in the universe and you really didn't know?"

Ratchet shuttered, his anger still palatable, but he grabbed Sam's chin and forced him to look into Ratchet's eyes, "Explain."

"I did think it would help the project," Sam said sincerely, "I did not lie about that, but I didn't if I was smooth enough to seduce you the way you deserve, not alone."

"You are a stupid idiot," Ratchet said, "the pair of you."

"I am sorry," Sam started to say, but Ratchet quickly silenced him with another kiss, "Shut up, Sam. You are lucky I am in a forgiving mood and more than willing to 'break in' that tight ass of yours."

"Break in?" Sam whispered.

"Break in means lose your virginity," Ratchet laughed, "get it used to accepting an interface cable, most ports are stiff before their first interface so it can be a challenge to get the cable into the port the first time, afterwards the ports loosen up a bit and its easier to access them. I understand that humans' ass tighten back up."

"Yes," Will said, "but not right away. You can take him all night without having to loosen him up again. The more get gets used to your cock the less prep he will need, but if he takes a larger cock he will need a lot of preparing."

"Like if he takes Optimus' cock," Ratchet said, Sam's eyes got huge a moment, "oh yes, Sam, you should see Prime's interface cable. It's huge and there are many ports that cannot accept the cable it is so big so most of the time he accepts cables into his port. If we use the scale that helped create my cock for Optimus then he would have a ten inch cock that is so thick you could barely fit your mouth around it, Sam."

"How do you know…?"

"About sucking off? Please, Sam, your collection of porn is a thing of legend. Even I have accessed it on occasion for purely scientific reasons," Ratchet had a wicked gleam in his eye.

"I am gonna kill Bee," Sam blushed again and Will laughed and leaned forward to kiss Sam, "It's ok, Sam, nothing to be embarrassed out."

"Nothing at all," Ratchet stole Sam from Will and kissed him, "and I would like to see Prime finally get to use his cable. Megatron used to tease Optimus mercilessly about being a Prime but also almost exclusively being the accepting port. Would you like to take Prime's cock after I finishing breaking you in?"

"Only if you will watch," Sam blushed even deeper.

"Well of course, I wouldn't want him to hurt you," Ratchet said, bringing Will close for an initially awkward three way kiss. They took their time adjusting it slowly so that it worked for them. "I would also say to let Will watch," Ratchet broke away, "but he might be too busy being broken in by another holoform."

"I don't understand…"

"I have seen the way you look at Ironhide," Ratchet said, "your body craves to be broken in by him."

"But I am…"

"Yes, you want to be here to," Ratchet said, "and you will overload with Sam and me many times tonight, but I cannot in good conscience break you in. If you are still interested after Ironhide, I am sure I can convince Sam to let you join us later on. You won't be disappointed, Will, I have never seen Ironhide's interface cable completely, but I do know it will be thick with a large head. He will fill you up nicely."

Will blushed and Sam kissed him, "Now it's your turn to not be embarrassed."

Ratchet joined the kiss and the three men just indulged in just touching each other as their cocks filled up nicely. Will and Sam reached down and took Ratchet's cock their hands, Sam teasing the tip with feather light touches… then Ratchet cried out in agony, doubling over, it took both Will and Sam to keep him from falling over. Ratchet grabbed the area right above his cock with both hands. "Sam get a blanket," Will said as Sam was already out the door to get supplies. He came back with a self inflatable air mattress and a few blankets. Sam laid the mattress on the floor as it started to inflate. "You… two realize," Ratchet said.

"Is it sensory overload?" Sam asked.

"No, my holoform is experiencing sensations from my body, with the human sensitivity the pain is… magnified."

"No it isn't," Sam said, "you have been in pain for the past few weeks, haven't you?"

"I am fine," Ratchet moaned in pain.

"Oh yeah," Will said, "you have us totally convinced. Not."

"I need to release the holoform," Ratchet said as it disappeared, "I cannot hold the focus."

"Ratchet, there is something physically wrong with you."

"The scans come back normal."

"That doesn't mean there isn't something wrong! Where does it hurt?"

"None of your business!"

"A guy only says that like that if it has anything to do with his 'interface cable'" Will said, "it appears some things are universal after all."

"I said I am fine!"

"Ratchet, if this were me," Sam said, "and I was doubled over in pain in front of you but saying that I was completely fine and the scans came back normal, what would you do?"

"That is completely different, I am a medic," Ratchet said.

"So then be a medic!" Will said, "Sam and I are just your eyes. Let us try to see what you and your scans cannot."

Ratchet's shoulders slumped in what appeared to be another round of agonizing pain and a plate right under his chest plate moved slightly. "Will go grab us some flash lights from the human work table, they are connected to the side," Sam said.

Will grabbed his pants and quickly put them on, his erection mostly gone before running back out to the main area. Sam carefully climbed up Ratchet's body and reached the shifted panel, "Open up."

"No," Ratchet groaned, "it would be like me asked you to open up your balls."

"If I was in that much pain I probably would be asking you to do that if I thought it would help. I am not going to do anything but look," Sam said, "I promise."

The plate shifted again and slowly opened, a trickle of mech fluid with a purple shine came out, followed by what appeared to be head of a large cable. There was a strong but very strange smell coming from the compartment, there was definitely something not right in here. "Ratchet, I need to move your cable out of the way. Does the cable itself hurt?"

"No, not really," Ratchet said, "but it might twitch if you touch it."

"More universal similarities, we should really make a list," Sam said as he delicately pulled out the interface cable. Will came back in with two flash lights and climbed up on Ratchet as well, "What is that smell?"

"It's pre overload mech fluid!" Ratchet snarled.

"Ratchet, that isn't mech fluid, unless you have a separate type for interfacing," Will said.

"No, it's the same fluid," Ratchet paused, "what do you mean it smells?"

"Mech fluid smells like fresh oil and is normally a pleasant smell but this smells like a fish tank that needs to be cleaned out," Will said and Sam punched him in the arm, "what is does!"

Sam turned on the flash light, followed by Will as they looked around the dark and damp chamber, the purple shrine was all over the place. Will and Sam both absentmindedly stroked Ratchet's interface cable, not for pleasure but as an attempt to comfort him and he seemed to relax slightly. "Ratchet, can you and the other Autobots not smell?" Will asked.

"No, we have scanners that do the function of your four senses."

"I couldn't smell it until the plate opened up," Sam said, "I noticed a strange odor in the waste fluid container, it was the same smell but not as strong."

Will looked up and examined where the interface cable connected to the plate and Sam checked the very back. At least neither man saw anything, until Sam thought he saw something in the very back of the compartment. "Will, shine your light back here?" Sam asked and his eyes widened when he saw purple slime clog what appeared to some sort of pressure valve. "Ratchet, I think we might have found the problem. Do you think you could use your holoform to take a look or would you like us to take a picture of it?"

Will took out his cellphone and took a picture just to be on the safe side and Ratchet sighed, "Do I have any dignity left?"

Will sent the picture to Ratchet, who made noise that was half alarmed and half disgusted. A gold light shimmered as his holoform appeared, "You have got to be kidding me!"

Will and Sam kept the flashlight on the valve, "What is that valve?" Sam asked.

"It's none of," Ratchet stopped mid rant and shook his head, "it's a drainage valve for mech fluid spent during interfacing, either 'flying solo' or the accepting port. It appears that I did not shut it properly some time ago and some sort of mold is growing in and around it."

"We have to clean it out," Will said.

"Can you open the drain?" Sam asked.

The holoform shimmered away and Ratchet cried out in pain, his cooling vents working double time to try to calm his distressed system. "I cannot budge it," Ratchet moaned.

"Is there anyway we can remove the valve?" Sam asked.

"Unless you want to climb in there and yank as hard as possible. I can release the valve, but I do not know how much mold is there and it may not budge either."

"We have to try," Sam said, "I know I said I wouldn't touch you, but I need to try to climb at least half way in."

"It will take both of you to move it, the valve would be heavy for a single human."

"I'll help," Will said, "but we need your permission."

"I don't think I can do this myself and that valve needs to come out now," Ratchet said, "I have no choice but to trust you. I will keep myself as still as possible, but please be careful."

Will and Sam crawled in slowly and looked at the mold, they knew that they had to clean part of it off, the slim was too slippery. Sam crawled back out and got a bucket of cleaner and cloths to try to remove as much of the gunk as possible. Will helped him back in and the cleaned off the valve as carefully as possible, which did not appear to hurt Ratchet. When they finally had cleaned it off as best as possible in the cramped space they told Ratchet to release the valve and his entire body shook from the effort and the pain. "Ready?" Sam said.

"Just get it fragging over with!" Ratchet cried out, Sam and Will grabbed on to the valve and pulled as hard as they could and Ratchet screamed. Purple slime came oozing from the sides of the valve as it started to move, Sam wrapped his arms around the valve and pulled with all of his might, the metal of the compartment digging ruthlessly his lower stomach and he knew he would have terrible bruises there in the morning. He didn't care about that now, all he cared about was that damn valve. "Almost there," Will said as the valve came loose, spending both men flying backwards, but were stopped from falling by Ratchet's legs. They were covered with slime, mech fluid and chunks of the mold. "It's out!" Sam said, looking up at Ratchet, who grabbed the valve and shook his head, "You two need to get in decontamination right now. I have no idea what this is or where I got it."

"Great," Will said, "so not how I wanted to spend this evening."

"Now you are sounding like Ironhide, get going while I analyze this aft."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III: Breaking In the Boy?

One very uncomfortable decontamination shower later, the damn thing was too small to fit two grown men, they got out and found two flannel robes waiting for them. They went back into the storage room to collect their clothes, but it was locked and sealed with Biohazard tape. They found Ratchet sitting on the berth, his holoform using a pressure washer on the infected area. "I do not think is not poisonous," he muttered.

"That's good news," Will said, "it's not like it is a sexual transmitted fungus or anything."

Ratchet was silent and Will shrank down and was about ready to apologize when Ratchet laughed, "No, if it was I would be plotting terrible revenge on Wheeljack. I believe I may have figured out how I got this; I was badly scratched on the back of the compartment in one of my first battles off Cybertron. I did not clean the scratch properly and never thought another thing about it."

"That was mean," Will said.

"I will need to complete an entire fluid line drain and clean as well as get brand new mech fluid, but I think the anti-funnel should kill what has already grown once I apply it after I finish cleaning out the horrid stuff. I will just need to check on it weekly to make sure the nasty stuff doesn't grow back," Ratchet turned the power washer off and turned to them, "Now as for you two, I want to keep both you and Sam here overnight in case you do end up having a negative reaction to the mold, but just in case either of you get any brilliant ideas about sneaking out, I have taken the liberty of hiding your clothes. I have quarantined the storage room so you will need to use my office to sleep."

"Could we help?" Sam asked.

"No, this holoform is actually very useful and I am almost done anyway, then it is off to recharge for me and get my system completely cleaned out. Why don't the both of you just go get some rest? I will be sure that you are awake at 7:30, the decontamination process should be completed by then."

"Ratchet, I just have one stupid question," Will said, "how did you not know that was in there?"

"It must have grown slowly, the pain equally as so and I just got used to it, I guess. I never had much use for that valve after Wheeljack and I split until recently."

"Your partner didn't see it?" Will asked.

"I was going solo," Ratchet said, blushing slightly, "and the pain got worse, but so did the need to relive the fluid build up so I was in catch 22, if you will. I just thought that I was out of practice or just too old to interface anymore."

"We were trying to seduce you to make you feel good and in the end we ended up hurting you," Sam said, "I am sorry, Ratchet."

"I am not," Ratchet said, "this only would have gotten worse and may have spread to my other systems. Anyway, I had forgotten how much fun interfacing could be, and it is even better with a very sensitive body."

"You aren't mad at me?" Sam asked.

"Or me?" Will asked.

"You are very lucky I am in a forgiving mood," Ratchet said, "now go set up another air mattress in my office and take all the blankets you need. I want to make sure you are warm and if you feel any sudden symptoms wake me immediately. I do not think there should be a problem but I am not prepared to take any chances when it comes to either of you."

Will and Sam smiled and bid Ratchet a good night as they went to pick up the supplies and made a rather comfortable bed. The robes, while comfortable, were bothersome to sleep in so they curled up next to each other naked, Will's arms around Sam as they snuggled quietly.

"This did not go exactly as planned," Sam muttered.

"But we figured out what was wrong with Ratchet and as much as I hate to say it the old guy was right," Will said.

"Do you think what Ratchet said was true?"

"About what?"

"The breaking in thing and about Ironhide and Optimus," Sam whispered.

"It's hard to tell with Ratchet," Will yawned, "now go to sleep. I have had enough excitement for one night and one close case of blue balls."

Sam laughed and snuggled against Will before falling asleep.

Sam woke slowly to a soft kisses on his neck and a very warm body against his back. He pulled back from Will and tried to roll over but the other body held him tightly. "There you are," a soft voice with a British accent muttered in his ear, "I thought you were never going to wake."

"Ok," Sam muttered, "need to tell Ratchet I am hallucinating."

"While I am flattered for you to tell me that you are hallucinating about me, I promise you I am very real," Ratchet's holoform shifted Sam slightly so he could lean in to kiss him.

"Ratchet," Sam said, "I thought you needed a complete recharge cycle!"

"I did," he grinned wickedly, "you have been asleep for seven hours, Samuel. It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I wanted to talk to you."

"Are you feeling all right?" Sam asked.

"Much better," Ratchet said as he kissed down the side of Sam's neck slowly, "almost like a brand new mech. I didn't realize how miserable I was until the fragging mold was removed. Thank you for risking my wrath, as you said earlier, to find out what was wrong with me. Now the question I have you for is did you think I just needed to get laid, or was what Will said true? Did you fantasize about me breaking you in during your showers?"

"No matter how much I thought you needed to get laid, if I didn't want you, Ratchet, I wouldn't have offered myself to you like this," Sam said honestly, turning over completely and wrapped his arms around Ratchet.

"I thought you would have preferred Optimus or Bumblebee to this old mech," Ratchet smiled as he kissed him again.

"You have a fiery temper, passionate personality, and you are so caring and tender, Ratchet, how could anyone not want you?" Sam kissed him, "your sexy holoform just makes it possible."

"I decided to save those changes," Ratchet said, "I do like it a lot better, and tomorrow I would like for you and Will to create a questionnaire to help the others create their holoforms."

"Be glad to help," Will muttered as he scooted closer and touched Ratchet's arm, "you feeling ok?"

"Of course, much better now," Ratchet grinned.

"Did you two need some alone time?" Will smiled sleepily.

"No, Will, that would be mean," Ratchet said, "I would like to continue where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted."

"I would like that," Sam leaned up and kissed Ratchet and Will groaned, "stop hogging Ratchet, Sam!"

Sam pulled back, "Get between us so we can both touch you."

Ratchet carefully slid over Sam's body, while Sam and Will got out from under the covers. As soon as Ratchet made himself comfortable, they molded their bodies to his and Ratchet grabbed both of their heads and brought them down for another threeway kiss. Ratchet opened his mouth and ran his tongue along were Sam and Will's mouths touched, prompting them to run their tongues along his. Ratchet moaned and felt two hands wrap around his hardening cock, teasing it with light touches. Sam pulled back, letting Will capture Ratchet's mouth in a deep kiss, he breathed heavily in Ratchet's ear, "I cannot believe you are willing to break me in with this fabulous cock, Ratchet, what have I done to deserve this?"

Ratchet ran his hand down Sam's stomach and to his half hard cock and teased the head with his thumb before wrapping his hand around it and pumping it with a medium pressure. Sam cried out as his cock hardened quickly and started to thrust into Ratchet's hand. Will pulled back, "The joys of being young, can get hard and ready in moments."

"I was still half hard thinking about earlier," Sam moaned.

"I think this will be better," Will said, "are you ready Ratchet?"

"I am almost there," Ratchet said, "I have one more scan to run though. I need you boys to come for me. I need that sensory input so this form can be as true as possible. I want it to be good for you."

Ratchet's hands suddenly became slick with some clean lubricant as he continued to pump Sam's cock and took Will's into his hand. Both men cried out and Will whispered, "I want to blow you so much right now, Ratchet."

"I will need you to blow Sam while I prepare him," Ratchet said, "but if you are well behaved I will let you blow me later."

"Hmmm… I wonder what Sam's young cock will taste like," Will smiled.

"You will find out soon," Ratchet smiled, "but right now I need to both to come. Just relax and fuck my hands, my good boys, and let go."

Sam cried out as Ratchet's hand tightened around him and reached for Ratchet and Will smiled, "Kiss him, Ratchet, he needs you. It takes me a little longer to finish."

Ratchet released Will's cock and rolled toward Sam to kiss him again. Sam was a beautiful boy, but even more beautiful when he was like this. Sam's hips snapped wildly, fucking his hand with abandon while he kissed Ratchet wet, sloppy and hard. Ratchet immediately put the data into the program and was amazed how good this felt for Sam. If this felt so good what would the other levels of interfacing feel like? Could it really get better than this?

Sam arched up with a cry and came hard on Ratchet's hand and on Sam's stomach. Ratchet immediately realized that the nerves were overly sensitive and carefully released Sam's cock so his body would calm itself after a beautiful overload. The data was amazing and Ratchet's own cock twitched at the implications for him.

He turned back to Will, who was sitting on the floor, watching Sam and Ratchet, pulling his own cock, "You two look so fucking hot together and you haven't even broken him in yet."

Ratchet grinned, turning back to kiss Sam one more time before whispering in his ear, "You think I should use my mouth on him instead of my hand?"

Sam moaned, "Your lips would look so good around his cock."

Ratchet kissed Sam one last time before rolling over and putting his mouth around the head of Will's cock, Will cried out. Ratchet would not admit it but while he was waiting for Sam to awaken earlier, he had accessed his porn collection again and was very pleased to find a lot of videos with young men with a sexy older man. Next to actual interfacing, this oral attention seemed to be one of the main focus of each of the videos so it must be very pleasurable and Will had waited so patiently. Ratchet removed Will's hands from his cock and slowly sucked on the head of his cock gently, his tongue teasing the slit as precum leaked out. It was slightly bitter and salty, but he enjoyed the flavor so sucked harder to try to get more to come out. Will cried out, his fingers tightening in the blankets as Ratchet slowly took more of his cock in his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. He sucked on the hard and hot cock, marveling at the silken touch of the skin and slowly moved up and down his cock. Will's hips jerked slightly and Ratchet knew it took every ounce of focus Will had left to not just fuck his mouth. He smiled and hummed his pleasure as Will's restraint, causing Will to throw his head back and moan so prettily. Ratchet moved faster on his cock, sucking harder, and only paused to cry out when he felt a hot, gentle mouth around his balls, and slick hand fisting his cock tightly.

"Oh god," Will said, "so hot… sucking your balls like that… oh god, oh Primus, I am gonna cum."

Ratchet sucked Will as hard as he could and was rewarded when Will cried out again, filling his mouth with the bitter salty fluid he tasted earlier and swallowed greedily. Ratchet released his cock with a loud pop, and turned to watch Sam pleasure him. He input all the overload data into the program and relaxed, feeling the pleasure build. The mouth on his balls felt so good, but so dirty at the same time. Sam moved to the other ball, lavishing attention with his tongue as he teased the tip of Ratchet's cock with the tip of his thumb. Ratchet watched, fascinated as his own precum started to leak from his cock. Sam carefully released his balls and licked the pre cum from the tip. Sam sucked on the tip of his cock and used his hands for the shaft, pulling just slightly hard with each stroke. Ratchet closed his eyes, the stimulation almost too much for him, but Will growled in his ear, "Open your eyes, Ratchet, look at that boy suck your cock!" Ratchet's eyes flew open and just stared at Sam as Will continued, "And you thought he didn't want you, didn't want you to break him in, what do you think now, Ratchet?"

"Oh Primus… Sam… harder… yes, like that," Ratchet moaned, "I am gonna break you in Sam, break you in so good."

"You want to make him yours, Ratchet? Make him your boy?"

"Yes," Ratchet growled, "mine!"

Sam smiled around his cock, pulling back long enough to say, "Yes, make me your boy."

"Come on his face," Will said, "mark him as yours."

Ratchet pulled his cock out of Sam's mouth and batted his hands away as he fisted himself, aiming his cock at that beautiful face, and came hard. Stream after stream of pearly cum shoot from his cock and cover Sam's face. Ratchet lays down as he attempts to catch his breath, never has interfacing felt like this, his whole being sang with pleasure as he recovered from overload. He looked up after a few moments to find Sam and Will kissing, his cum getting all over Will's face. Ratchet groaned, "Clean up the pair of you."

Sam pulled back, "I am guessing you have enough data then?"

"Have I taught you nothing, Samuel?" Ratchet tried to be stern, but totally failed and broke into a small smile, "you can never have too much data, especially when it comes to overloading."

Will stood up and headed out of the office and Sam wiped his face with an end of one of the blankets, Will came back in a few minutes with some wet paper towels and they called cleaned up properly. They just held each other a few minutes, Ratchet in the middle, holding the boys close to him. "That was amazing, thank you," he said as he kissed the top of both of their heads, "you both have been very good to this old mech."

"You aren't old," Sam leaned up and kissed him, "you are perfectly aged for interfacing."

"The proper stamina, creativity, and knowledge to be amazing in bed," Will agreed, kissing Ratchet's neck.

"I am glad I have your approval," Ratchet laughed, "even though I am a bit rusty. I haven't interfaced in almost two thousand years."

"And I thought my dry spell was bad," Will shook his head.

"We will have to make sure you get plenty of overloads to make up for that," Sam kissed him again.

"We will have to discuss this, but right now I believe I am recovered to the point I can actually move," Ratchet said, "so Sam, if you are truly sure you want me to…"

Sam blushed but nodded, "I mean if you want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to."

Will laughed quietly, "You guys are cute!"

"Shut it," Ratchet said, "or else Ironhide will be scheduled for checkups weekly!"

"Yes, Sir!" Will laid back down.

Sam grabbed Ratchet while he wasn't paying attention and pulled him on top of him, opening his legs to let Ratchet settle between them. Ratchet made a cute little noise of surprise in the back of his throat as he kissed Sam again. They kissed and caressed each other, memorizing each other's tastes and forms. Ratchet continued to be amazed about how sensitive human bodies were and how good this foreplay stuff was. Cybertonians kissed and had other physical signs of affection but it was nothing like this. He felt as if his whole being was alive and he was not sure he could ever get enough of this. No wonder human males thought of sex every seven seconds if it is this good. Not that interfacing was not good, it was fabulous, but it was not as involved as this, especially since the war began. It would be even better to interface with your sparkmate, Ratchet had been told, as your sparks would touch each other during interfacing and bring about the most powerful overloads. Ratchet wondered if it was anything like this.

He forced himself back into the present moment as he felt Sam's hard cock rubbing against his lower stomach. "Relax, Sam," he said as he kissed down his chest, "and open your legs just a bit wider for me."

Sam obeyed and spread his legs as far apart as he could, Ratchet could feel the nervous energy start to radiate from his body. He stroked Sam's cock lightly with one hand as he caressed his balls with the other, slowly going downward to the tight pucker of his ass. He touched it very softly and Sam jumped. "Shhhh," Ratchet said, "it's ok. Just relax, Sam, I am not going to hurt you."

"But… what if she was right… what if I am just bad in bed?"

Ratchet felt like someone punched him in the face, "Ignore her," he snarled, "you were not meant for her, you were meant to be broken in by me."

Will kissed Sam, cupping his face, "Shhhh," he said, "Ratchet is right. She knew she couldn't keep you and wanted to try to ruin you for anyone else. You are amazing, Sam, don't over think this, just relax and let Ratchet take care of you."

Ratchet forced himself to relax to not alarm Sam further, as he continued to tease the pucker as he felt Sam slowly relax as Will kissed him soundly. When Sam was relaxed enough Ratchet grabbed a bottle of lubricant he had brought with him. He had mixed it just in case Sam still wanted to be broken in tonight: regular gel lubricant with a very small amount of numbing agent along with a muscle relaxer, both to just take the edge off but not enough to dull the pleasure he wanted his boy to feel. Ratchet squirted a liberal amount on his hand, and covered his fingers in the stuff before going back to tease the outside of his pucker, making sure to get it covered in the lubricant as well before very slowly pushing the tip of a finger inside. "Breath," Ratchet said, "and keep trying to relax. I know it must feel big, but I will go slow."

Sam nodded and took a series of deep breathes as Will kissed down his body slowly, everything was done slowly to try to keep Sam as calm as possible. Ratchet focused all his sensors on Sam, stopping whenever he felt pain, both Will and Ratchet murmured words of encouragement and soon Ratchet had his entire finger inside the hot, tight channel. "It never felt like this," Sam said, "when I did it myself. Feels so good."

Ratchet grinned as he pulled up previous scans of Sam's body and attempted to find his prostate. It took him a few tries but he knew he found it when Sam cried out and thrust back on his finger hard, trembling. "It's ok, Sam, did that feel good?" he asked.

"Oh god, Ratchet, yes," Sam said, "do that again?"

"In a moment," Ratchet said as he pulled his finger out and added more lubricant before pushing his finger back in and aimed right for the prostate, massaging it a few moments before slowly pulling back out, slowly finger fucking that tight ass, feeling the muscles loosen around him. When he felt Sam was ready he carefully added in a second finger, "Just keep breathing, Sam."

"I am trying," Sam said.

"Maybe a little distraction would help?" Will grinned and carefully took as much of Sam's cock as possible into his mouth and started to suck. Ratchet kissed Will on the top of the head as a thank you before putting his entire focus on stretching Sam out. As soon as the muscles loosened around his fingers, he massaged his prostate to help him relax before scisoring his fingers carefully, looking for any hint of pain, but Sam seemed too focused on what Will was doing moaning and groaning his pleasure. He thrust his fingers in and out, pausing only twice to add more lubricant as he pushed what he had in already deeper. "Oh god," Sam said, "feels good but… so tight."

As Sam's muscles became more relaxed, Ratchet added a third finger and Sam cried out in pain. Ratchet cursed himself for going too fast, but Will gave him a reassuring look. Breaking in an access port was always difficult for the mech, and some pain could not be avoided, but Ratchet's goal was to make this as painless as possible for his human. He continued to move slowly and teased his prostate, continuing to stretch him slowly until the pain went away and all that was left was a sensation of feeling full then he started to finger fuck him again, each thrust rubbed straight into his prostate until Sam started panting and muttering about how close he was. Ratchet removed his fingers and Will dropped Sam's cock to help him move Sam on to his stomach and up on his knees. Will helped to steady him while Ratchet covered his cock in the lubecriant, he was hard and ready to break in his beautiful boy.

Ratchet carefully covered Sam's body with his own and whispered in Sam's ear, "I will make this as painless as possible for you."

"I know," Sam said, "I love you, Ratchet."

"Sam," he said in awe, as he felt Will line his cock up against Sam's stretched hole and carefully guide him inside. As soon as the head was fully inside, Will let go and laid down next to Sam, whispering encouragement as Ratchet completed the connection and after what felt like a small eternity he was balls deep inside the boy. He was so tight that Ratchet took a few moments to get himself under control as his human sensory input begged him to just interface the boy senseless: Sam was so delicious, hot and tight. Ratchet kissed the back of his neck as he started to shallowly thrust, building a careful rhythm as he reached around and took Sam's hardening cock in his hand. Sam pushed back on his cock, "More?"

"Sam…"

"I can handle it," Sam said, "feels strange but good."

Ratchet gradually increased the depth of his thrusts until he was only leaving the head of his cock in the boy before thrusting back in. Sam kept pushing back, challenging him to pick up speed, "Need more… Ratchet… frag it! You feel so good inside me."

"Don't want to hurt you," Ratchet moaned.

"You won't," Sam whined, "need it harder."

"No…"

"Dammit, Ratchet," Sam growled, "break me in!"

What little control Ratchet had snapped and lost all sense of rhythm as he thrust hard and deep inside his boy, pulling his cock in time with his thrusts, Sam cried out, pushing back and trying to meet each of Ratchet's thrusts, which caused Ratchet to race toward overload but he was determined for Sam to overload first. "Ratch… I… holy shit," Sam cried out as he came hard in Ratchet's hand, his ass tightening hard around Ratchet's cock. He could only last another two thrusts before coming hard deep inside of Sam, and then his holoform blinked out of existence. Sam almost collapsed, but Will caught him and carefully moved him off the wet spot and held him close, as the tremors of his powerful organism still rippled through him. "Holy shit," Sam whispered.

"I think you might have broken Ratchet," Will teased and snuggled against Sam, "I cannot believe this actually happened."

"You were a horny middle aged man!" Sam teased, "and lets face it you would do anything to get Ironhide out of a checkup. That mech has you wrapped around his finger!"

"Oh and Ratchet doesn't have you?" Will laughed.

"Well he did tonight!" Sam grinned, "and if you play your cards right you may get your own dirty old mech!"

"Maybe," Will blushed slightly.

Ratchet's holoform reappeared standing in the doorway, wearing only a pair of jeans, looking like he just got laid and both men smiled at him. "Sorry, I had to restart my systems suddenly," he blushed, "it appears the sensory input from the overload is too much for our systems, but in the good way. I will have to work on that."

"Nah," Will said, "it's common knowledge that most guys fall asleep after sex."

Sam smiled and reached for Ratchet, who knelt down next to Sam and kissed him softly, "How do you feel?"

"Amazing," Sam said half asleep, "I hope this isn't a one-time thing."

Ratchet just smiled, "We will discuss this later when you are more awake, Sam. Just rest. It's been an interesting evening for everyone."

Sam snuggled into the blankets and Will helped to cover the naked boy before finding covers for himself. Ratchet turned to him and smiled, "Thank you for your help, Will. This was an experience for everyone involved."

"My first threesome, I will admit, and while I never thought I would be interested in something like this, I really enjoyed it. Not that I would ever assume," Will started to say but then Ratchet interrupted him, "No, of course not. It was a learning experience and I do not know if I would have been brave enough to interface with Sam without another human present to guide me. Porn only gives so much information."

"Porn is fantasy," Will said, "and normally has a few steps missing and I was glad to help."

"You should rest, we have much work left to do on the holoform project and I have all this new data to assimilate into the program. I meant what I said about creating the questionnaire though, your questions were very helpful in helping me to create this body."

"My pleasure," Will grinned as he gestured to his groin, "obviously.

"Not yet," Ratchet grinned wickedly, "but I have been thinking that Ironhide may be a great candidate for my first round of holoform tests, what do you think?"

Will blushed bright red and his pheromone levels raised dramatically and Ratchet's grin widened, "I thought you might like that. If you think not interfacing in two thousand years is bad, Ironhide has not in almost three and he could use such a caring and attentive partner."

Ratchet threw the covers over Will before he could argue or die of embarrassment, which at the rate his heart was going might happen, "Now, have very pleasant dreams, Major Lennox, and don't worry, I am going to personally handle those blankets. What happens in Medical stays in Medical, remember that."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV: Epilogue or What Happened at the Autobot Officer's Meeting?

Ratchet had Sam and Will out of Medical at 7:30am, ok that wasn't one hundred percent true. He had Will out of medical on time, but Sam wanted to triple check the feedback of his holoform's lips and he left about 8:00 to go take a shower and get some breakfast. Ratchet had his own version of breakfast as he checked his email and saw that message from Technician Matthews that had caused him to explode at Sam yesterday. He felt like absolute aft for blowing up at Sam, because his boy could see what Ratchet refused to see and wanted to help him. He opened up the email and shook his head as he read the test results, a ten percent contamination of unknown mold. Ratchet made a note to show Sam the email and congratulate him on the proper use of medical protocols; maybe come up with a reward for his efforts.

No, he couldn't let his mind wander down that path when he had a meeting in a few minutes. He still needed a proper outfit for his holoform to wear and decided to keep the lab coat, even though Sam had thought it over the top. When he had an outfit that he felt was suitable he checked the time and was horrified to see he was five minutes late for the meeting. He was never late, he was there normally fifteen minutes early to give the evil eye to those coming in on time. Ratchet walked quickly to the conference room and forced himself to relax as he opened the door and walked in. He tried to control himself but he knew there was a slight spring in his step he did not normally have and ignored the looks the younger mechs gave him. Frag them! "I apologize for being late, Optimus," Ratchet said as he took his seat across from Ironhide.

"Ratchet," Optimus said, "we were about ready to go look for you."

"Yes, well there has been a very exciting update with the holoform project," Ratchet was almost bouncing in his seat, earning him even stranger looks from the others. Even Ironhide looked taken aback, Ratchet recorded the look on his face to show to Sam and Will later.

"As much as we would like an update on that," Optimus cleared his vocal processor, "we need to discuss something else with you first."

"I thought the holoform project was first on the agenda."

"We adjusted the agenda yesterday," Prowl said, "I must have forgotten to send up an updated version."

"Oh, well then what is the first topic?"

"You," Ironhide said.

"Ironhide," Optimus chided.

"I am sorry, Optimus, but I do not see a reason to tip toe around the issue more than we have, especially what happened with Sam yesterday."

Ratchet looked down and nodded, "Yes, I have been deplorable to Sam the last few weeks. Sam and I have discussed the issue last night, with the help of Will, I mean Major Lennox."

If Ironhide would have had eyebrows he would have raised at least one of them and Ratchet wanted to giggle at the look on his face, but held it in. He always referred to Will as Major Lennox to the other Autobots, out of respect for his position, but he couldn't think of that beautiful, sensual organic he was introduced to last night as Major Lennox. "That's it," Jazz said, "he is drunk!"

Ratchet rolled his eyes but did not respond. "It has to be a virus," Prowl said.

"Maybe it's one of those pod people!" Jazz said.

"Or an evil twin from another dimension," Bumblebee said.

"No, it cannot be the evil twin, he doesn't have an evil goatee!" Jazz argued.

Ratchet sighed and leaned back in his chair until everyone got the silliness out of the way. Jazz and Bumblebee started throwing out more human science fiction clichés until Optimus brought the table to order, "Why I am sure that there hasn't been an goatee wearing clone or a 'mind flayer' whatever that is, we do have justifiable concerns, Ratchet."

Ratchet snorted, he had snorted when he looked up what a mind flayer was and Optimus looked at him with a deep look of concern and Ratchet held up his hand, "I apologize, Optimus, I was just looking up what a Mind Flayer was. I am aware that my behavior has been outrageous and you are definitely justifiable in your concerns, especially with my treatment of Sam. He has been very worried about me as well and cornered me in the holoform project room. To make a long story short, together with Major Lennox, we discovered what the issue was and it is not a virus. I had a physical issue that the scanners could not pick up and the problem has been taken care of as of 1900 yesterday."

"A physical issue is not an excuse," Ironhide started to say but trailed off and Optimus quickly jumped in, "While I do not agree with Ironhide's tone, it concerns me that you were unable to scan for this problem causing it being left untreated for such an extended period of time."

"Oh! Primus!" Ironhide said.

"What's wrong?" Prowl turned to Ironhide.

"No wonder you were a miserable aft!" Ironhide said, "Will just sent me the picture."

"Oh no! I forgot he look that," Ratchet held his face in his hand.

He just knew everyone was checking their messages to see if Will sent them the picture and with the various pained groans and grunts he knew everyone at the table had received it. Maybe he wouldn't help Will after all…

There was a human size knock at the door and Ratchet turned to see Will standing there, leaning in the door frame, his arms crossed with his cellphone in his hand, "Sorry to embarrass you, Ratchet, but I think that picture explains more than you ever could. I think he has extenuating circumstances for his behavior, gentlemen. Ratchet, I will see you later."

He slipped out of the room and Ratchet was tempted to still be angry at him until the other Autobots made over him, apologizing for their accusations and asking how he was feeling now. Ratchet was overwhelmed by the outpour of support and concern for him. Ironhide pulled back suddenly and crossed his arms, "Hey, Ratchet, how did Will help you figure out about the drainage valve blockage?"

"Feedback loop," Ratchet said, "from the holoform prototype testing last night."

Suddenly all the Autobots went quiet a moment before another explosion, this time questions and excitement about the holoform prototype. The last update two days ago Ratchet was nowhere close to having a prototype to test. "If everyone will be quiet I will explain," Ratchet said loudly to be heard about the sea of voices, but when that didn't seem to have any effect a gold shimmer appeared in front of him. He wore black slacks and a cotton dress shirt under the lab coat with black dress shoes. The holoform had his arms crossed and tapping his toes into the wood, looking generally unamused, "Now do I have everyone's attention?" his holoform said and the room went silent, "Good! Now this is a solid holoform and mimics the human nervous system so we can feel the same sensations that they do. The holoform's clothing is also customizable so you can have up to ten outfits you can change into almost instantly." Ratchet changed his outfit to brown oxfords, perfectly fitting jeans and a white baseball shirt with scarlet sleeves. "While this is a vast improvement where we were before last night, there is much testing left to do, but Sam and Will have offered that continued assistance. Now I am going to need two volunteers…"

"Me!" Bumblebee said.

"No me!" Jazz said.

"What about us!" the twins asked and before a fight broken out Ratchet shouted, "While I appreciate your enthusiasm all of you, none of you are what I need in a volunteer!"

All four looked very disappointed and Ratchet sighed, "I know everyone is very excited for this project to be completed but I need volunteers whose sensors are not as keen as any of yours. I need to finish developing the program before I can adjust it for your individual needs. I was thinking of you, actually, Ironhide."

"Me?" Ironhide said, "you just want an excuse to poke and prod me!"

"And you as well, Optimus," Ratchet ignored Ironhide for now, "it is top priority for me to get your holoform online so you can better communicate with the human government and military without having to go through Secretary Keller."

"I would like to attend the meetings personally," Optimus said, "Yes, I would like to take part in the testing if you think it would help."

"I am not interested!" Ironhide leaned back in the chair, arms crossed and looked at Ratchet suspiciously.

"Will expressed an interest in your taking part in this test," Ratchet said, "because if it works then you can go on that picnic that Annabelle keeps talking about at the park and you can actually interact with her, maybe even pick her up…."

"You. Do. Not. Play. Fair!" Ironhide snarled.

Ratchet sent Ironhide a message and watched his face as he opened it with sputtering outrage and then froze, "When do we start?"

"How big of a wrench do you think he threatened him with?" Jazz stage whispered to Prowl, who just shook his head. Ironhide did not seem to hear him, Ratchet knew he was digesting the implications of what Ratchet told him. "Excellent," Ratchet said, "we can start as soon as tonight. Sam and I have a few more tactile tests to complete before we are ready to expand the test, but I will make sure they are completed before 1800."

"Sam?" Ironhide asked.

"Would you prefer I ask Major Lennox?"

Ironhide did not even dignify that with a response and Ratchet felt like giggling again and held it in, pretending he did not just grin a little bit and turned off the holoform. He sent Will the following note: Ironhide agreed after I sent him the following: iThe holoforms are not only anatomically correct, but are fully functional as well. Will thought you would make an excellent volunteer and expressed great interest in helping you test the stamina of your new holoform./i P.S. I told you so!


End file.
